the weight of guilt...

A friend of mine was sharing his feelings on spanking his children. He feels that spanking is not the answer. He shared a story of correction. His daughter did something out of line and created a situation where he could not enjoy an opportunity out and about. That evening, upon returning home, he gave her a dose of "you acted out, and daddy could not enjoy himself." He went on to say that the next morning his daughter awoke and came to apologize for her actions.

My heart felt heavy with compassion. I don't feel that children are in a position to properly understand adult logic or adult issues and also will not properly move beyond such guilt. I feel that the weight of these situations will eventually take a toll on them emotionally.

I returned to a book I previously read by Michael and Debi Pearl. In their book, they said, "Emotionally unstable parents sometimes use guilt to manipulate their children. Parents who try to shame or humiliate their children into right behavior may see the child temporarily acquiesce. But, obedience performed out of the desperation of guilt only deepens guilt, putting the child further out of touch with true repentance and healing."

"Don't overwork your child's emotions with excessive indulgence in: 'Why did you do that? You hurt Mother. You make me feel so badly. What you did is wrong, and God wants us to love our neighbor, etc.' Children, especially young children, are not equipped to deal with deep issues about motive and duty. The degree to which they are morally awakened should be addressed; but to expose them to the adult burden of motive and responsibility can cause them to carry too much of a load."

"Christians find release from their guilt through the Savior who suffered the curse of their sins, but their children cannot yet understand that the Creator has been lashed and nailed in their place. Yet, parents need not wait until their children are old enough to understand the vicarious death of Christ to purge their children of guilt. God has provided parents with a tool to cleanse their children of guilt--the rod of correction."

Hebrews 12:6-8 says, "For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons." Hebrews 12:10 says He disciplines us "for our own profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness."